I wish a job would 'just fall in my lap'.
I'm a good person and a good worker.
I am fine the way I am.
I shouldn't need to change.
It doesn't matter who I am—I assume I'm OK.
I'm OK—you're OK.
However, no matter who I am or how I am, I am seldom OK.
It's not that I am sick in either mind or body (although that could be true)...
It's just that I need to be different than I am.
Status quo is a no go...
We are creatures of change and growth. It is in our nature to evolve. Not like Darwin would indicate, but away from what we have been, and toward what we are to become.
We build houses, communities, friendships, trade-routes, businesses, and self-images.
We make automobiles, cakes, mistakes, even overtures to each other.
What we don't commonly do is build self-esteem or make self-modifications.
OK, we think we do these things. We decide we feel good about ourselves. We think we change when we decide to cut our hair or quit smoking.
We define ourselves by the work we do. Some of us are philanthropists and others are sanitation engineers. If we don't like what we do for work, then we define ourselves by what we do for pleasure. If that is embarrassing, then we define ourselves by our families or our friends.
Mostly, we define ourselves by what we do that other people notice.
So, now I find myself in a different country than the one where I grew up. Many people here also grew up where I did, but they have been here longer than I, and they have acclimated well. This is their home, and they define themselves by the relationships they have made here, the hardships and joys they have experienced here, the work they do here, and the families they have built here, and the relationships they brought with them and maintain here.
This is Israel. It is a land blessed and honored. History recognizes this land. Hearts yearn for this land. The land itself longs to be filled with people of light, gladness, joy, and honor.
We who come to Israel as adults long to be accepted as we are by this land and this country and this nation and this people. We bring our personal goals, abilities, mindsets, expectations, and desires. We want to be a round peg for a round hole, but we find the hole has unexpected corners. How can we fit? Where do we belong?
Of course, we do belong here: in this land: Israel. We settle our families and put our kids into schools. We focus on our children because they are our hope. We make braided bread and take challah. We shop and farm, we work and play. We learn and teach. We reach out to each other.
I began to study Hebrew in Ulpan. About the time I was able to have a conversation with the linguistic skill of a three year old child, I realized that I must work or I would not be able to pay for my family to live. No Problem. I have skills. There are jobs. We have the internet and email in our home. I read job postings. I sent my resume (CV) and requests for interview to many job postings. Why aren't responses inundating my email in-box?
Maybe my CV is not targeted to the position being offered? I created so many different resumes from my basic information that I had to create a folder tree to manage them. Which cover letters had the information I needed to cut-and-paste for the next completely different introduction?
People say the job-search is a little different here in Israel. Evidently they are right. I have been told that networking will get the job that a CV may not: that more jobs are gained because you know someone in a company than because you are the most qualified for the position. That may be true. I'll know when it happens.
I have talked to doctors who were specialists but now work in a clinic (or two, or three). I know a wonderful pulpit rabbi who now is a fund-raiser (he knows a lot of people). I have an instructor who came here to become a rabbi, but became a teacher instead (a lot of common ground). I have spoken to an accountant who now works in a 'think-tank' (as an economist). The fund-raiser and the instructor both came to the position they each have through word-of-mouth. They were willing to become something they had not considered. They were willing to change. They just needed to become something different than they were.
So now I come full circle. I will be OK, but I am now. I need change—modification. I need to remake myself.
What are my skills, and how do they apply to the needs of my new homeland? What does Israel need from me? What can I offer?
My Hebrew is severely limited. My technical skills are profound. I can write. I may even be an interesting person. Some things about me may be useable already, and others may need modification. It's just that I need to be different than I am. I need to make me into a person with skills Israel needs. I need to make me an attractive addition to the work-force.
I am a creature of change and growth. It is in my nature to evolve. I am a creature that makes things out of raw materials. I can either modify the materials around me into new structures, or I can grow my thinking into new ideas and patterns. Modifying materials builds buildings, automobiles, toasters, viruses, prosthetic devices, and gardens. Growing thinking patterns builds morals, philosophies, ideals, honor, self-image, and goals. I have spent much of my life modifying materials. Now it is time to grow my mind, my self-image, my goals, and my perspective.
I expected to be a round peg when I made aliyah. I expected to find a round hole for me here in Israel. Maybe I am not a round peg, or maybe there are no round holes. I don't know about that. What I do know is that I must change to become the person I am supposed to be. No matter who I am or how I am, I am not OK until I become the person my family needs me to be. My greater family (Shivtei Yisrael) needs me to evolve also. I need to help build the world of my fathers here in the land of our ancestors for the present and for the future. I need to discover what Israel needs me to be. I must become the worker whose skill can help create the new thing. I must become that new thing.
There's a reformation coming.
Maybe then my email inbox will overflow...
