Reformation

I wish a job would 'just fall in my lap'.
I'm a good person and a good worker.

I am fine the way I am.
I shouldn't need to change.
It doesn't matter who I am—I assume I'm OK.
I'm OK—you're OK.
However, no matter who I am or how I am, I am seldom OK.
It's not that I am sick in either mind or body (although that could be true)...
It's just that I need to be different than I am.

Status quo is a no go...

We are creatures of change and growth. It is in our nature to evolve. Not like Darwin would indicate, but away from what we have been, and toward what we are to become.

We build houses, communities, friendships, trade-routes, businesses, and self-images.
We make automobiles, cakes, mistakes, even overtures to each other.
What we don't commonly do is build self-esteem or make self-modifications.

OK, we think we do these things. We decide we feel good about ourselves. We think we change when we decide to cut our hair or quit smoking.

We define ourselves by the work we do. Some of us are philanthropists and others are sanitation engineers. If we don't like what we do for work, then we define ourselves by what we do for pleasure. If that is embarrassing, then we define ourselves by our families or our friends.

Mostly, we define ourselves by what we do that other people notice.

So, now I find myself in a different country than the one where I grew up. Many people here also grew up where I did, but they have been here longer than I, and they have acclimated well. This is their home, and they define themselves by the relationships they have made here, the hardships and joys they have experienced here, the work they do here, and the families they have built here, and the relationships they brought with them and maintain here.

This is Israel. It is a land blessed and honored. History recognizes this land. Hearts yearn for this land. The land itself longs to be filled with people of light, gladness, joy, and honor.

We who come to Israel as adults long to be accepted as we are by this land and this country and this nation and this people. We bring our personal goals, abilities, mindsets, expectations, and desires. We want to be a round peg for a round hole, but we find the hole has unexpected corners. How can we fit? Where do we belong?

Of course, we do belong here: in this land: Israel. We settle our families and put our kids into schools. We focus on our children because they are our hope. We make braided bread and take challah. We shop and farm, we work and play. We learn and teach. We reach out to each other.

I began to study Hebrew in Ulpan. About the time I was able to have a conversation with the linguistic skill of a three year old child, I realized that I must work or I would not be able to pay for my family to live. No Problem. I have skills. There are jobs. We have the internet and email in our home. I read job postings. I sent my resume (CV) and requests for interview to many job postings. Why aren't responses inundating my email in-box?

Maybe my CV is not targeted to the position being offered? I created so many different resumes from my basic information that I had to create a folder tree to manage them. Which cover letters had the information I needed to cut-and-paste for the next completely different introduction?

People say the job-search is a little different here in Israel. Evidently they are right. I have been told that networking will get the job that a CV may not: that more jobs are gained because you know someone in a company than because you are the most qualified for the position. That may be true. I'll know when it happens.

I have talked to doctors who were specialists but now work in a clinic (or two, or three). I know a wonderful pulpit rabbi who now is a fund-raiser (he knows a lot of people). I have an instructor who came here to become a rabbi, but became a teacher instead (a lot of common ground). I have spoken to an accountant who now works in a 'think-tank' (as an economist). The fund-raiser and the instructor both came to the position they each have through word-of-mouth. They were willing to become something they had not considered. They were willing to change. They just needed to become something different than they were.

So now I come full circle. I will be OK, but I am now. I need change—modification. I need to remake myself.

What are my skills, and how do they apply to the needs of my new homeland? What does Israel need from me? What can I offer?

My Hebrew is severely limited. My technical skills are profound. I can write. I may even be an interesting person. Some things about me may be useable already, and others may need modification. It's just that I need to be different than I am. I need to make me into a person with skills Israel needs. I need to make me an attractive addition to the work-force.

I am a creature of change and growth. It is in my nature to evolve. I am a creature that makes things out of raw materials. I can either modify the materials around me into new structures, or I can grow my thinking into new ideas and patterns. Modifying materials builds buildings, automobiles, toasters, viruses, prosthetic devices, and gardens. Growing thinking patterns builds morals, philosophies, ideals, honor, self-image, and goals. I have spent much of my life modifying materials. Now it is time to grow my mind, my self-image, my goals, and my perspective.

I expected to be a round peg when I made aliyah. I expected to find a round hole for me here in Israel. Maybe I am not a round peg, or maybe there are no round holes. I don't know about that. What I do know is that I must change to become the person I am supposed to be. No matter who I am or how I am, I am not OK until I become the person my family needs me to be. My greater family (Shivtei Yisrael) needs me to evolve also. I need to help build the world of my fathers here in the land of our ancestors for the present and for the future. I need to discover what Israel needs me to be. I must become the worker whose skill can help create the new thing. I must become that new thing.

There's a reformation coming.

Maybe then my email inbox will overflow...

The compass points to what you desire most...

Oh My G-d!

Lost! Rudderless! Drifting... Ship of State listing...

Captain abdicated, though still present.

Woke on my couch, young son asleep on the second couch in the salon.

What would his life hope to become, now that mine allowed itself to diminish?

Living in Israel! Wonderful! Wanted to do that all my life.

Prayed every year that next year Pesach would be observed in Jerusalem.

I'm close! I live in Modi'in. I never dreamed I would be the righteous old man with his children begging for bread.

Well, I'm not begging yet – a least not right now... It's 12:38 AM, and I just realized I am an emotional shambles. I won't be begging until sometime after the sunrise of my life.

I have my pride. That's just the problem. Pride.

I thought I could come to Israel and Israel would stretch out its arms and say to me and my family – Welcome!

In a sense that did happen. My sons are in schools, and the social infrastructure of the country is assisting us economically. My wife is employed as a fund-raiser for an out-sourcing company. They love her so much that they allow her to work 10-hour days for minimum wage. I performed the same work for a different company for a smaller salary and less hours. They acted like they loved me, but they didn't offer to work me nearly as hard, so how can one really know?

This I can presume to know – it seems certain that my son is tossing and turning on the couch as if the keystrokes of this computer are like the noise of train tracks when you live in a shack built too close to the passing 4:05 AM freight to Pittsburgh. Maybe it isn't the keystrokes, but my declination that disturbs his rest.

We moved from Overland Park Kansas. I had no problem with declination, and had worked as a Telecom Engineer for 8 years. {N Latitude 38.958954, W Longitude 94.68414, Declination = 2° 38' E changing by 0° 7' W/year}. I used to be a writer of Poetry for Publication expressing both joy & pain. Lately, I have only written for business, but not for the joy or pain in my soul since 1987. Only business. Sad.

Now we live in Modi'in Israel. {N Latitude: 31° 46' 1.2", E Longitude: 35° 13' 58.8", Magnetic declination: 3° 53' EAST}. My personal compass is still not adjusted for that 1° 15' change. That may be why I walk leaning to the left a little, bump into walls on my left side, and can't seem to stay focused with good direction. Or, maybe I am just a little tipsy. Maybe I should cut off an ear – no – that's been done... Anyway, it might be more difficult to hear the pain I cause my family.

My wife should be able to stay home. She is the homemaker. She is a brilliant homemaker while I am rather dull around the home. She is also a businesswoman. If she wants to work, I certainly won't stop her, but now she works 10 hours a night in Jerusalem and has only time for sleep and Shabbat.

I need to be working. In my field. Using my skills. Earning a reasonable wage for an experienced Telecom Design Engineer.

Or – maybe I just need to go to sleep now... Sure – that's it! I'll talk to you more later.

Glenn Beck - FOXNews.com

Glenn Beck - FOXNews.com

I listened to this assessment of the "economic stimulus bill" with a bit of consternation. I don't want to foment a conspiracy theory. It does seem that we have pushed a lot of cash at an economic black hole. Glenn Beck gives the impression that we have not repositioned current currency amounts, but have printed new bills from the Treasury Department.

That might explain why the Dollar/Shekel exchange rate is now 1/4 when it was 1/3.35 before the economic downturn became obvious.

If Glenn Beck's assessment is correct, the US Dollar may be seriously devalued by an influx of new additional bills that are backed by the same amount of "collateral". We have limited capital assets as a country because American corporations have outsourced so much of the manufacturing processes. We have become a more service oriented consumer society.

Service and Consumerism is not a strong support for an economy with an excess of Treasury Notes in comparison with the solid value supporting each note.

This is just my simple opinion. What is yours?